Nothing is impossible for God

When I encountered Jesus, I was in my late thirties. I fell in love with Him immediately. Before I was baptized, I already had a desire to dedicate my life to God in some way.
One day, a friend of mine showed me a leaflet of the Sisters of Charity. I read it carefully with a little romantic feeling. At the last page of the leaflet, I found the limit for the age of admission:…“under thirty five years old.”
Two thoughts came to my mind. One was, “If the Lord wanted me to be a religious, He could have called me earlier.” Another was “If He wants, nothing is impossible for Him.”
A year after my baptism, I got a new good job through a very providential process. I felt it was an answer from the Lord. I became a staff member of a Catholic organization concerned with the welfare of children, especially handicapped children. I was in charge of a small night school for those who want to help handicapped children. This school provided its students with the latest knowledge and training of skills for special education. I thought “Here is my convent” and tried to do my work carefully and faithfully.
I was in a position to see the papers of students. There was one student named S., who is a DHM. I read her application form and a note attached to it saying ?According to the tradition of my Society, I would not like to be known as a religious. I thank you in advance of your cooperation? In this way, I came to know that there is a unique women’s congregation that has no exterior sign, and whose members do not reveal their identity. Yet, I did not feel an interest in DHM. I could not separate the habit from my image of the religious life.
S. invited me to a ?Come and See?experience – a day of prayer for single girls was held once a month on Sundays. I declined the invitation for many reasons. At that time, I was a regular member of a Charismatic Renewal prayer group. Besides, I was not yet used to my new job, so I did not want more new things to handle. Finally, I thought that the time of my main discernment was over because I had got a new job providentially.
S. continued to invite me next month and also afterwards, but not in an insistant way. Sometimes, she came to the school early with some sweets. We had tea together. I was happy to have a religious sister as a friend and adviser.
In the summer, she invited me to a “Come and See Summer Triduum.” I decided to attend it, because the guide of the triduum was a Jesuit priest whom I respected.
The first day of the triduum, I asked his advice. At the end of the interview, he said to me, ??By the way, have you ever thought about the consecrated life??? I answered that I had experienced a desire but I thought my life situation did not indicate that type of life. He just listened to my answer and did not reply.
His words gave me a shock. I went back to my room and started to reflect on this matter again. The conclusion was the same. I thought, ?The Lord who knows me inside out had given me new job, a nice job. So, religious life is not my way of life.?
The next day, after lunch, I got tired of praying and looked for something to read. Reading was a recreation for me, but I did not want to read the Bible. I found small leaflets on the table at the corner of the dining room. The title of the leaflet was ?The Daughters of the Heart of Mary ~ in the midst of the world but not of the world.? I started to read. There were brief explanation of the history of the Society and its uniqueness, especially about ‘no exterior sign’ and ‘flexible style of genuine religious life.’ When I reached the lines?To join the DHM, it is not necessary to leave one’s job or family?, I felt something burst open, deep within my mind and spirit. ?It is not necessary to leave my job, ..?
However, this was not new information for me. S. had already shared the characteristics of her Society with me. But I had not thought of connecting it with my own vocation. After that, the world seemed different to me. My eyes had been opened.
I approached S. and asked her about the possibility of becoming a DHM. She gave me a positive answer.
Then, I experienced hesitation and fear. It seemed to be too ambitious. It seemed as if someone spoke to my heart - that at present I am doing well and that is enough; there was no need to give up all that I have to the Lord. At the same time, I remembered my plan to visit my best friend in Hawaii. It was most enjoyable for me to go Hawaii and stay with her once a year. I said to myself?Oh, should I give it up?? Another great pleasure of mine was having a good meal, a small luxury occasionally. ?Should I also give it up?!? I also wanted the freedom to do as I wished. Must I ask permissions to do everything? If my superior said?No?, could I help my friend? Ooh!
All the things I would lose if I joined the religious life came to my mind. On one hand, I did not want to let go; on the other, I wanted to respond to His call. I thought that if I say “No” to Jesus, He would not be my Lord any more. If I say “Yes” only when I want to do so, and say “No” when I do not want to do so, it would not be Jesus but I who would become the lord of my own life. I wanted to keep Him as my Lord, but I also wanted to keep Hawaii, good meals, and other things. I felt like a dizzy person. My thoughts went around in circles. I was wavering and in a confusion for almost twenty four hours.
Next day, the last day of Triduum, I went for a walk in a confused state of mind. It was a nice summer day. There were paddy fields around me. I found a small bridge on the irrigation canal among the paddy fields, and lay down on it. Looking up at the blue sky and white summer clouds, I was lost in my thoughts.
Suddenly, I remembered a hymn and sang it aloud:
“Lord Jesus, love of God, who had thrown His life on the cross.
Lord Jesus, lamb of God, who gives life everlasting.
Now, I accept Your love and forgiveness
Now, I accept salvation and healing. Filled with new life I pray.”
Before I sang the last line, I gasped. The last line was:
“I offer everything to You.”
Like Jeremiah, I felt He had won the game and I had lost. Finally, I said “Yes” to Him. What a joyful defeat! I was filled with joy!
The date of that day was August 22nd, 1999. Long afterwards, I realized it was the feast of the Queenship of Mary.

After one month, I became an aspirant of DHM, and next year, I entered my postulancy. Two years later, the school where I worked closed down unexpectedly.
The lord continues to show me in many ways that nothing is impossible for Him.

(N.K)